i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
