dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
