what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
