Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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