Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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