They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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