What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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