i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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