Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
