Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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