let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
