I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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