bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
