watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Semen is not good for contacts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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