Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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