I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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