her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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