there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
