Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
