The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
