"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
