i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
