You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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