he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
