I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
