I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
