I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
