I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
