i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
