VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
