I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
