The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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