His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
