Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
