I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found your dick twin last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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