He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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