And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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