i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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