she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
