We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
