So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
