Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
