Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
