dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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