Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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