i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
