I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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