escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
