After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dicks are not precious.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
