She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
